My husband loves flea markets. I used to love flea markets until my house started to look like one from all of the items he’s brought home! ;-) But something made me ask to go with him to one this weekend. Maybe it was the nice weather or that I haven’t had a chance to spend as much time with him as I’d like. Or maybe it was something else. A calling, if you will, to be brought together with this:
When my husband and I first saw it, we thought the same thing. It must be some kind of rustic, handmade kitchen tool. A spatula or spreader perhaps. My husband asked the vendor what it was and my jaw nearly hit the floor when I heard the response. ”It’s a beating stick my granddad made for my grandmother. She had to use it on my brother a lot. He was always getting into some kind of trouble. My granddad was a carpenter by trade and he used this scrap piece of hickory to give her something to keep my brother in line. See the knot in the wood? It wouldn’t have been good for much else, but it sure stings like the fire when it smacks ya.”
HOLY H-E-double hockey sticks! Did he just say that??? We engaged in polite banter finding it all amusing in the most vanilla way possible. ”We should get it for your mom to use on your sister. Ha ha!!! It would be a great gag gift,” I suggested to my husband. He paid for the stick, both of us knowing full well it was not going to be given to anyone as a gift. It was mine and I carried it around with me the rest of the time at the flea market while fighting the urge to tap my leg with it. I’d have to wait until I got home and my husband had a chance to lovingly restore it with furniture oil to restore the parched wood.
I had no bag to tuck the stick into but surely no one would even take notice, right? I mean, even I thought it was a primitive kitchen tool. But as I neared another table, a vendor and her friendly customer stopped me and asked if I knew what I had in my hand. I replied that the seller had told me it was a hand crafted beating stick for giving spankings (insert small giggle meant to convey that I wasn’t quite sure if there really was such a thing as a beating stick because who would ever make such a thing to give a spanking anyway, right???). The woman clucked her tongue and said, “so he told you the truth. I knew right away that it must have been for spanking. Is there anything on it?” And with that she took hold of the stick, ran her hand over the smooth wood, and peered at it through her jewelry loop. But what she thought might have been writing was just scratches or marks from use over the years. Her customer suggested that it was imprints of the word Levis from repeatedly smacking the rear pocket buttons of the miscreant’s jeans. My prize was returned to me and we bid the vendor and her customer a good day.
As my husband and I headed back to our car, he shook his head with a smile and I bubbled over with a fit of giggles. And with my restraint exhausted, I took the stick and gave him a playful tap on the seat of his shorts.
Good news!! I’ve filmed and edited the new Dear Amber video! I guess it was a pretty rotten trick to ask for a deadline and then not confirm what it was. :-D Someone pointed that out to me. I can honestly say that it was not intentional. You see, in my head I had chosen Richard’s suggestion of the end of the month as a reasonable goal given my work and travel schedule, but my blogging by ESP skills are a little rusty. In any case I assure you the video is done and I’ll have it posted over the weekend.
But first, David Pierson has asked me to bring to you, a few highlights from Punished Brats. The new girls in the neighborhood are as naughty as they are cute. Here are a few photos from recent scenes that caught my eye.
Lexi not only has a delightfully round bottom, but she paired the official navy blue school uniform with knee high socks featuring navy blue stripes at the cuff! Bonus points for cute style, but that wouldn’t save her buns from a good spanking from me either.
Another uniformed beauty is Cadence. With her toned body, flowing blonde hair, and sassy personality, she is a natural to play a cheerleader. And let’s be honest, who doesn’t want to see a cheerleader spanked? Preferably a flyer so that the audience gets a peek of that red bottom with every stunt. I bet you attendance at games would sky rocket if Cadence’s bottom was the feature of the routine.
And finally, there’s Bianca who instantly made me think of Disney’s Merida. With her creamy white skin and gorgeous red curls, Bianca could easily pass for the real life version of the spirited princess. Audrey here could be Snow White …or perhaps the wicked queen given that she’s using a strap to make Bianca’s bottom match her flaming locks.
As I said, those are just a few of the photos of the little brats that have my palm itching to give a spanking. But see for yourself when you go to Punished Brats and enjoy nearly a decade of incorrigible brats getting spanked for their countless misdeeds!
Long time no blog! I know I also owe you another installment of the Dear Amber videos. Maybe I need a deadline for it since I work so well with deadlines. Anyone have a reasonable one in mind?
So what have I been up to while away from the blog? A mix of work and fun – just the way a summer should be. I’ve been diligently working on my stack (and I do mean stack) of summer homework and continuing working at my usual jobs. But on the fun side, I had a wonderful vacation down south. It was a blast even though it was 100+ degrees every day. Had a couple of day trips where I got to ride a terrifying coaster, (almost) shot an apple with a bow and arrow, and tried to convince my husband that we needed to get a pet duck or two.
Today I had the chance to see Lily Anna and among the many more fun things we did, we made a run to the grocery store. But we can make even food shopping fun. Had to buy this plum because what is better than a fruit shaped like a bottom? How about a fruit with two bottoms!
And then I loudly asked Lily if she knew where the Spanko breadcrumbs were. That’s what they are called, right? They must have simply forgotten to print the S on the label.
Have you seen the headlines stating “Granny Panties Are Overtaking Thongs In Women’s Underwear Drawers”?
Now I’ve never been one for the thong, but I’d sooner wear one than a pair of granny panties any day. Sure thongs are uncomfortable, but panties that are so big that they literally cover my entire torso are so not my thing. I prefer that my panties remain within the confines of my jeans or shorts and not billow over the waist nor extend up to my armpits but that’s just me. I know I’ve seen a comment or two asking me to post pictures of myself in granny panties but sorry, no can do. I’m sticking to my personal favorite style – the bikini, preferably low-rise bikini cut.
Not sure what I’m talking about because you haven’t spent hours combing through the local ladies lingerie department and admiring the various style designs? Here’s a handy chart to help guide you. For me, briefs, hipsters, and high-cut briefs are all too big / too long. The thong (aka butt floss) and the boyshorts both have a tendency to be ahem …crackriders which I find rather unpleasant. That’s why the bikini style has been and always will be my cut of choice regardless of what’s in fashion.
And so I will leave the granny panties to the grannies.
Here it is! The Dear Amber video, as promised. I actually wasn’t sure if it was going to happen on time. Soon after I’d set the deadline, I was totally slammed at school, work, and in vanilla life. Crazy school projects, extra work hours, family obligations I wasn’t aware of … it was as if the world was conspiring to make me miss my deadline and get me spanked! I also downloaded new video editing software and was frustrated by the learning curve making the whole process take that much longer. But a promise is a promise. Especially when it’s literally my butt on the line.
As I mention in the video, the response to my request for Dear Amber questions was amazing! I received more questions than I could possibly answer in one clip. So I plan to continue to film more videos using the questions already submitted. When I filmed the content a week and a half ago, I was up to 5 printed pages of questions and I know more have been submitted since. So if you don’t see your answer this time around, please be patient. There are more Dear Ambers on their way.
Spring weather is finally here and while I’m still snowed under with tons of papers and tests and work projects galore, I am feeling re-energized by the beautiful weather. And I’ve heard from a number of people that it’s been far too long since I put out a Dear Amber video. So, I think it’s high time I remedy the matter.
Here’s the deal. I will create a Dear Amber video, probably filmed outside in the lovely warm sunshine. But I need your help. I need you provide me with questions you’d like me to consider using in the video. What do you want to know? Or what do you simply want to see me ramble on about? Leave your suggestions in the comments section (preferably) or send them in an email. If you go the email route, please just be sure to note in the subject line that your questions are for the Dear Amber video.
I work well with deadlines and I don’t want you to send your questions and wonder if I’m ever going to actually get around to making the video so let’s set a deadline of May 6th for the video to be done and ready for viewing. Why so long? Well, I want to leave enough time for people to find this post and submit questions and for me to film, edit, and post. But I will make a deal. If the video is not up by May 6th, I will take a spanking and post a photo of my red bottom for missing the deadline. And for those of you that are now thinking, “but I want to see the video AND the red bottom”, maybe. If you send me some really good questions, I may be inspired to do both.
I was threatened with a spanking at work last week! All in jest (I think) but my supervisor said she was going to spank me. Twice. Within earshot of my coworkers. The exact quote was, “Put that down! I’m going to spank you. I’m a mom, I can spank you if I need to.”
For the record, I wasn’t stealing something. I was trying to lift something heavier than I should lift because I like to think I’m Superwoman. A stubborn Superwoman who knows better but tries to defy gravity anyway.
Anyway, that threat got me to behave real fast. Not so much because I feared my supervisor would make good on her threat (although I wouldn’t want to test that theory) but because I wanted her to stop saying the word spank! The word in vanilla conversation still makes me all nervous.
This incident was not the first time my supervisor has used the term spank in casual conversation either. One day I was catching up on employee training paperwork and pointed out that we were missing signatures from one of the employees. I was told to get my coworker’s signature and give her a spanking! I suppose if nothing else, it’s nice that I’m referred to as the switch that I am and capable of both giving and receiving a swat.
i have a few tips for you that you’re probably never going to read in any women’s (or men’s for that matter) health and beauty magazine. These are spankee specific lessons I’ve learned the hard way.
Winter can be a tough time of year on the skin. Dry air, cold outdoor temps (except for you lucky CA and FL residents), and overheated houses, all can lead to parched, flaky skin that can crack open easily. The last thing you want when you’re in the mood for some spanking play is a bottom that looks like two dry biscuits when it’s time to get down to the bare. And you definitely don’t want to risk the skin splitting and bleeding bringing a halt to the action. The answer is to moisturize, moisturize, moisturize.
1. In need of an intense moisturizing treatment? First liberally apply a gentle, unscented lotion to your cheeks. Then take a piece of plastic wrap and use it to completely cover your backside. It may be easiest to lay the piece of plastic on a flat surface and then sit on it. Wrap it around the sides a little and get dressed as you usually would, taking care not to scrunch up the wrap. The plastic wrap will allow the lotion to completely soak into your skin instead of rubbing off onto your clothing or bed sheets. Keep the plastic wrap on for no more than an hour. Then remove the wrap, massage in any remaining lotion, and you’re on your way to a baby smooth bottom.
2. Do NOT use Press N’ Seal cling wrap for the above treatment. Sure, the Press N’ Seal does an excellent job of adhering to your bottom and won’t be as likely to shift during the hour, but it leaves behind a slightly sticky residue that turns your bottom into a giant lint roller.
3. Be careful with exfoliating scrubs. Exfoliating scrubs are excellent for removing the very superficial dried out layers of dead skin. But a little can go a long way. Using a coarse apricot scrub say 3 or 4 times in a row may result in a polished appearance, but can spell big trouble. Far too many layers of skin may be removed resulting in delayed onset pain that feels much like a spanking without a single swat having yet been delivered. And then when you are actually spanked, even the lightest smack is excruciating. Speaking from personal experience here. Save your hide, spankees. Literally.
And that’s your winter bottom beauty tips for today.
I keep thinking that one day I’ll be all caught up with school, work, email, appointments, obligations, chores, and finally be able to curl up and write a nice blog post. And then in what seems like a blink of an eye, another week or 3 has slipped by! So what exactly have I been up to?
I’ve been trying to save injured wildlife.
Bundling up like Nanook of the North, shoveling lots of snow, and white knuckling it on icy roadways back and forth to work.
Hitting the books. Or rather, they’ve been hitting me.
Dancing around like Napoleon Dynamite to Uptown Funk when no one is around. (No, you won’t be seeing pictures or video of that. No one needs to see that!!)
Meeting for spanking sessions when my crazy schedule allows and on the rare occasions that Ol’ Man Winter chooses not to dump more snow and ice in the area.
And wondering if this is a real game. It’s supposedly an Android app game where you get to choose an implement and give swats to an anime character in the gender of your choice. Somehow you score points for delivering sounds swats. I don’t have an Android device so I can’t check it out but it sounds like a cute game. Kind of like Fruit Ninja with a spanking theme. Anyone with an Android phone ever see this?